I'd never given much thought to how I would die---though I'd had reason enough in the last few months---but even if I had, I would not have imagined it like this! Surely it was a good way to die, in the place of someone else, someone I loved. Noble, even! But, terrified as I was, I couldn't bring myself to regret the decision. When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.
Tess squinted hard as if she might have an excruciating headache. She looked up from the huge journal then and saw that Jacob was watching her there at the doorway of Billy's guestroom.
"What?" He looked at her as if she were about to have brain fart.
"Its just a bit thick, don't you think?" She scrunched her nose then. Was he going to test her on the trivia of this after it was read? God, she hoped not. She pulled up the patchwork quilt over her lap. As it was the last few days she'd been living in some of his old flannel pajamas Jacob might have worn when he was 8.
"I dunno. Never read it, actually." Jacob sat down on the edge of the bed then where she'd been sleeping, but she was not sitting up and conscious. No more congestion and weepy moments. Just a startling day of sunshine, perhaps.
"Really?" Tess smiled then. She suspected books weren't exactly his forte. There was much more to prepare one for his sort of journey in life.
"I don't suppose you took me as the literary buff." He shrugged as he looked away.
"Well, maybe Sports Illustrated." She gave him an open grin then.
"You can read." He didn't act as if it were a question. Usually, it was.
"Yeah, my grandmother didn't think I should be totally deprived, you know." She shut the journal tight then. "So this Bella? Who is she too?"
"No one now." He was cold instantly when he said her name. He wanted the journal back. She hugged it in her arms.
"But I just started." He eyes opened wide.
"I've changed my mind. You'll fall in love with Edward, too." He winced a bit peeved with the idea.
"Edward? Its just a journal." She insisted.
"I should have never taken it." He was a bit sullen.
"What will you do with it now?" She glared back. Here he was passing out presents and wanting it back. Was this the true meaning of an Indian giver? She'd hate to ask.
"Burn it. She means nothing to me." His frown was small, but she knew he meant to do it.
"You said I needed it, to understand." She reminded him.
"You'd only - see what you wanted." He grabbed at it then but she kept it from him.
"Jake, I just got started. Please!" She was a bit miffed by this. "I'll be completely objective. I will. Besides, you're definitely not like other guys." Not that she really knew any other than her father and her cousin. "And, it'll keep my mind off, you know-" Tess didn't want to say her name. She'd cried herself sick possibly. It was perhaps time to start a new day. And if this journal could give her a little time to not be thinking about her grandmother, then she needed it.